the embers of my electrified heartache.
I want to shine so bright that the stardust under my feet leaves a trail for those also looking for their way out… for the path back into their sweet divine humanness. I am tired of feeling so small, so afraid, so alone. When i know none of those things to be true, and yet my heart pulse beats out a staccato rhyme of lies that convinces my brain of who I am not.
I want to shine so bright that I am blinded by my own passionate embrace of this life, that the edges ofmyskin are scorched, tinged with burning from the sparking embers of my electrified heartache, the cage of my rib bones glowing red with the intense heat of this burning heart of mine, this heart that yearns to be outside of the confines of this body, this heart that is tired of asking to be seen….
this heart that wants nothing more than to explode open like a damn after a torrential summer downpour, alive and bursting beautifully forth with water that has not been allowed to flow for too long, withheld from its natural fluid way of being; pent-up and frothing into shimmery opaque rivulets of remembering its true nature.
This heart of mine.
This sweet, tender, battered, bruised, resilient
Beating heart of mine.
I want it to shine so bright that the stars at night recognize that I, too, am worthy of dancing across the sky; that I too, am in love with the darkness because it helps me to find my own flickering light. That I, too, took the palette of my insides and streaked the pulsing paint of the past across the night horizon, so that others might not have to suffer in quite the same way, so that others can find family when they feel like this world isn’t for them-
so that we might find each other in the murky darkness of daylight, and let out our soulsparkle amongst the bright canvas of the ever-present night sky. Dancing amongst the stars, entwined with each other as we frolic in the unending cosmos. The only time when nothingness doesn’t terrify me, but wraps my soul in the sweetest Welcome Home Hug that my heart has ever felt.
This heart of mine
Wants to come home.
Artist: Paolo Troilo; photographed from Museum of Contemporary Art Palermo, Sicily. 2016.
